"I-40 is the is the most frequently closed highway in the US"
No pictures as of yet, but it has been a fun trip. Kristen and I left Ballinger for Albuquerque, NM Saturday at 9am or so. We finally got to Albuquerque (birth place of Bret) at around 5pm or so. I think Bret jinxed me with the whole "I-40 is the most closed freeway in the US". Thanks. I appreciate the 45 minute wait 20 miles from Albuquerque. It was a blast. At least Kristen was driving.
We went and ate at "Ragin' Shrimp". It was really good. If you, by any chance, ever go there and don't want to get cajun sauce all over your clothes, do not get the "Nawlen's Shrimp". It's "peel and eat" shrimp, but as Kristen found out, the shrimp is served in a soup like substance. Still good, but very messy. The Jamaican Shrimp was excellent. Yum.
Well, we are about to depart from New Mexico. We'll see how many other updates I'll have since I won't be on high speed internet any more. (Thank you Hilton Garden Inn).
Quote of the Night...
From the uber-geek on stage....
(at the conclusion of a song, that inevitably, sucked monkey balls)
"Thank you TechEd!!! The last time I checked....(dramatic pause)....EVERY....ONE...of the people on stage are TechEd attendees, just like you and me....."
Episode 2: Jaws 3:16
Today was just as good, if not better, than yesterday. Bret got a picture with the bleach burned girl (remember she had to take a bleach shower) after some enthralling conversation.
So, you ask, why Jaws 3:16? Well, we went to the Citiwalk at Universal tonight for dinner. Where did we park? Section “Jaws” Level 3, Row 16. Hence, Jaws 3:16, the lesser known bible verse. We ate at Emeril’s. It was pretty good. Nothing too exciting, Emeril wasn’t there, naturally, so we’re convinced that “Emeril” is really a microwave they use to heat up all of the meals, therefore being able to legitimately call the restaurant “Emerils” Even the beep at the end would say “BAM!!”
To the left is a picture of some stylin’ “Man-Pris” (Thanks Will for the term). See, I can’t make this stuff up.
The other picture is none other than our totally sweet TechEd band from tonight.
Ok, here is the part you all have been waiting for. A geek mosh pit to Nirvanna’s Smells like Teen Spirit. Not only did the song make my ears bleed, but I also spontaneously vomited and had my retinas permanently damaged due to the sight. It was, well…you have to see for yourself.
Note: "Pipes" as mentioned yesterday, is the dork in the blue shirt on the left side of the stage that looks like a totally trashed Chevy Chase while starring in any of the earlier National Lampoon movies. (You can click on the image to get a full size shot of the nerd mecca).
I really wish I had more energy to write something witty about today, but I think I used that up when I remembered Bret’s camera had a video function and pulled out the whole Jaws 3:16 thing.
Be Prepared to be ROCKED OUT!!!(It helps if you Right Click, Save As, and then maximize the window when playing...puts it all into perspective)
Note: What to look for...
- "Chris Farley" on stage to the right in the maroon shirt totally rocking it out.
- The one "cultured" person on the stage almost redeeming the whole night
- "Tambourine Man" in the blue on stage to the left...he's totally rocking. He left his air humping tambourine on the stage with Chris Farley for this song.
- Of course, the "dancing" mosh pit. Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.
Nerds…they just-ah wanna have fun….oooh yeah…
Wow. That’s really the only thing I can say about tonight. When the description for the event reads, and I seriously can not make this stuff up even if I tried:
“Tech•Ed Jam Sessions are legendary. This year in Orlando, you can unwind and hang out with fellow Tech•Ed music lovers on Monday and Tuesday evening at Matrix. Grab an instrument or bring your own, and help rock the house with everything from Jazz to Blues to Rock & Roll. As always, you’ll have access to lyrics, instruments, sheet music, and a complete lighting and sound system.”
So, on the totally sweet bus ride over to the “Jam Session” (I use that term extremely lightly) there was a bunch of nerd talk to be eaves dropped on. One set of people included two dudes and a girl (and a very un-attractive girl at that), and they were taking her picture like it was some prize. Maybe they were on a scavenger hunt too? Who knows. But, the real story was with the 3 guys in the front of the bus talking about this upcoming Jam Session. One in particular was talking about his days in the hood as an altarizzle boy layin down the funk wit da totally bangin’ wind pipes. To picture this guy imagine the following:
1) Steve Urkle and take his voice and modify it a little bit
2) Someone as tall as Russell
3) Deck Shoes
4) Black Socks
5) White Shorts
6) Orange shirt
7) Then combine the dancing ability of all of the worst dancers in the world, and cut it in half. Then imagine that as being the best dancer. He would be the worst dancer in that messed up world.
Ok, so now we arrive at the session. We are beat into submission when exiting the bus to put our dorky, look at me and make fun of me, lanyards on. Reluctantly we complied in fears of not making it to the mother ship. As we enter the club, yes it was a real club. Not only was it a real club, but it was across the area from the Hooters. So, as if we weren’t begging to be made fun of anymore by going to TechEd, they now put, what has to be, the absolute dorkiest “par-tay” directly across from a Hooters that is jam packed full of non-lanyard wearing people, just waiting to make fun of us. It felt like Revenge of the Nerds, but all we would be able to do is write a killer application and secure the network while we’re being beat to death by Ogre’s bare hands forthwith.
Anyhow, so we get to da club and it’s all bangin’. I mean people banging their heads into the tables. It was, by far, the absolute worst “band” ever. And that is really saying something. You think William Hung is bad, imagine about 20 of him on stage, all singing, playing drums, a saxophone, a trumpet, and some guitars, and TWO keyboards all at the same time, in different keys, different beats, and of course, different songs. Then imagine a really crappy high school band doing the same thing. Yes, it is worse than that. Now put in about 100 contestants for the nerdiest guy at TechEd and two somewhat attractive girls, who are wayyyyy to drunk to be in this location. What do you get?
Fat, bald, 45 year-old gropy man meets somewhat attractive drunk off her ass, hopes to never be reminded of this night again 23 year old blonde girl with a shirt that shows off her midriff. Not only does gropy-man meet her and cop a feel every 2 minutes, but she actually asks the nerds at her table to “dance” with her. When I say dance, what I mean is she is asking them to move awkwardly around the room in a rhythmic fashion that completely ignores any tempo that is being laid down by the totally sweet nerd rock band while basically holding her up and keeping her conscious. At around 11pm, it started to get pretty bad. I’m thinking we’re not going to be seeing her at any of the morning sessions. Instead she’ll probably be washing herself with bleach and burning her clothes from what has to be the worst night of her life. Or, maybe she gets off on this stuff, because she has officially earned the holy tile of “the hot girl” at TechEd. What’s really sad? She’s not that good looking. But when the only girl in the room is asking you to dance and lets you, Mr. 38 year-old-software-developer-with-your-Magic-Cards-in-your-hotel-room-and¬your¬Chewbacca-costume-here-just-incase-some-people-want-to-go-see-Star-Wars-again, feel like the hottest guy in the room and cop a feel…you have officially earned that title and all of its privileges (as disturbing as those may be)
This concludes my midnight blog update of the best night in nerd history.
Carry on.
TechEd : Episode 1
We are well on our way to completing our scavenger hunt set in to play by our good friend Alejandra. The surprising thing is what we thought would be “hard finds” were pretty easy, and the supposed easy ones are actually pretty hard. I have to say, Bret’s competitive edge is really showing on this.
He literally chased someone down (seriously about 1/10th of a mile) to take a picture of them. It was pretty funny. The trick is running in front of them (and not make it obvious that you are running so people don’t think you’re crazy) and then nonchalantly take a “picture” of the crowd with them being in the main frame.
We have found a plethora (after 3 hours of agonizing looking, we finally found the mother load) of individuals who like to wear black/brown socks with sandals. Not to mention we have found a new fashion statement.
Are you ready for it? It’s very Paris Hilton-like.
Grown men with TechEd bags wearing Capri Pants. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we have the worst fashion statement of all time. What’s worse than that? They went to the rest room in packs. They’re like a wild animal. At first I thought they were an endangered species, but it ended up being a thriving sub culture of animal. They are truly, and I’m not lying here, frightening. (I shall post a picture of this fashion wave sweeping central Orlando later).
Well that’s all for me right now. I’m hoping that this will post today at TechEd… The network here sucks.
Capri Pants for everyone!!!
